What Sex Work Is Really About

What do you mean sex work is not really about sex? What is it about then? Read on and you’ll see.

When people first learn I’m an escort in Michigan, they often ask me what surprises me about this industry.

And usually, they’re surprised by my answer.

Regardless of the type of sex work I’ve engaged in—stripping, creating content, working as an escort , teaching BDSM workshops, or exploring the world of kink— there’s one thing I have consistently found to be true: that it’s not really about sex but, instead, intimacy.

Admittedly, there are people seeking something as straightforward as just getting that nut. Which is perfectly OK! But for me, because I’ve always engaged with sex work as a space for connection in all its forms, this hasn’t been the case. With more than a decade of experience as a sex worker, including seven years as an escort in Michigan, I’ve found that I attract clientele that appreciate and understand the power of intimacy.

Humans are, at our core, social. We crave intimacy—not just sexually, but in all its beautiful forms.

We all want people we can really share with, in a way that transcends surface level small talk, and encompasses the ideas and experiences and feelings that make up who we are. We seek out people who we feel safe enough to be vulnerable with, who we know will support us when we’re down and accept us as the imperfect beings we are.

I think men in particular are socialized to only seek out and receive intimacy from romantic partners. Showing that kind of vulnerability and seeking physical, non-sexual comfort from other sources doesn’t fit with the macho idea of masculinity that our society idealizes. No one thinks twice if a woman cries in her best friend’s lap after a particularly bad day, or if her friend comforts her with an embrace. But men aren’t often afforded that kind of outlet.

And then there are people that do have romantic partners, but still don’t have the ability to be vulnerable, unmasked. Clients have shared with me that fulfilling the role of “father” or “businessman” has left them feeling like there’s little room left for their authentic selves. Some feel like they’re not able to express desires that lean toward the taboo, the soft, the weird. (Would their wives shut it down? Would it threaten the life they’ve spent so much time and effort building?)

The spaces where we can let go, be vulnerable, and seek connection are shrinking.

As a dancer, an unexpected majority of my VIP rooms—with dances lasting anywhere from 15 minutes to several hours—consisted of less twerking and grinding and more cuddling, running hands through hair, and the type of deep, introspective, almost mystical, conversations that usually only happen between close friends after midnight.

I would show up fully channeling the siren role, ready to tease and strip and rile-up, only to be met with, “Can you just hold me for a while?”

I’ll never forget my encounter with one strip club customer, a career trucker, who told me that life on the road meant that he never got to settle down, develop close friendships, or start a family. He started our session with “This is a weird request…” and proceeded to ask if I could spend our hour together holding his head in my lap, kissing his forehead, and telling him that everything would be ok. And I remember thinking to myself, “Why does that have to be weird?”

Clients have shared their poetry with me, saying, “People would laugh at me if they knew I wrote poetry…” and then light up while sharing how good it feels to really connect with their creativity in that way.

So, so many have said that they’re really curious about a particular kink, but their partner would never understand.

Others long for space to step away from provider and problem-solver roles. They’ve built and run huge businesses, take care of their families, and make sure the whole world keeps running smoothly. Understandably, they just want a moment to pause and feel completely taken care of themselves.

This work, whether as a stripper, an independent Detroit escort or a kink professional, can be about so much more than just fulfilling a sexual urge.

Sex is the desire that society deems appropriate for a man to pursue. (F yeah ass and tits, am I right?) And sex work can definitely satisfy that, but it can also become the container where one can explore without judgment, feel safe to be vulnerable, let go and be celebrated, indulge without guilt, experience pleasure and, for a while, leave the expectations and limitations of the outside world at the door.

The orgasm is just the cherry on top.

So – if you’ve been up late nervously googling “escort in Michigan” and wondering about reaching out, please know just how much I genuinely enjoy getting to see people come out of their shells, put down their masks, and exist in pleasure—in all the ways. And I love how I can support a radical expansion of that pleasure through focusing on building intimacy in relationships, cultivating safety, freedom, acceptance and trust.

If you’d like to explore that together, let’s talk. Book your date now.

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